I think I may start a list of witty comebacks to things that have been shouted to me on my runs, all of which were conjured up by my brain half a mile later when it was just way too late to shout.

In fact, we can all have a go?…Here are a few things that have been shouted my way. Feel free to load the comments section with ammunition of witty retorts.

1. Keep running fatass!
I’m thinking the comeback on this should be something along the lines of either “I will do because you ABSOLUTELY MING” and then run off crying. There is nothing anybody says at you which can’t sufficiently be replied with something that implies they stink. OR just give them a look of complete fear and say “NO…help me…i can’t stop…I CAN’T STOP…MY LEGS…WON’T STOP..arghhh!” then also run off crying. Or combine the two which starts off with a lighthearted “i’m tryin’ to get away from you son!” and then turn it into a serious situation in which you can’t actually stop and go screaming into the distance.

2. Run Forrest Run!
Hmmm…without wapping out the you stink element this is a toughy. Any ideas?

3. Have you seen my dog?
Actually i think that was a genuine question, and yes, i saw it.

4. Mummy…What’s wrong with that man? Why is he shouting?
Well… it’s either I’ve just successfully completed an element of comeback presented in section 1. OR Because it’s the only way to get through the last 2 miles of a 12 miler ACTUALLY…you just have a good old shout….i’m sure Paula Radcliffe has a good shout at the end of her races, actually, i KNOW what she does at the end of her races and you’re lucky i’m just shouting sonny jim don’t push me!….i’ll do it!….and then you’ll be the one running

5. Go on…i’ll race ye!
(usually said by young kids or old men…both of which can easily beat me)…Hmmm…I think the only thing i could come back with is “OK…FIRST ONE TO GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE……YOU WIN”